Feed with Love and Respect

Respond with Sensitivity

Use Nurturing Touch

Ensure Safe Sleep, Physically and Emotionally

Provide Consistent and Loving Care

Practice Positive Discipline

Strive for Balance in Personal and Family Life

What do we know about attachment?

Adapted from 2008-Centre of Excellence for Early Childhood Development, www.excellence-earlychildhood.ca, GRIP-Universite de Montreal

Any nurturing parent, sibling, relative or caregiver can be an attachment person. It's easy to respond to a child when he is happy and gurgling. However, one of the best ways to build the attachment relationship is by responding to the child's distress when he is sick, upset or hurt. By picking up baby and cuddling, rocking, and soothing baby when they are sick, upset or hurt, fosters attachment and shows the baby that they have someone to meet their needs and respond to them. This helps develop their empathy and response to other people as he grows. He learns how to create loving, respectful relationships.

Therefore, the core of developing attachment is to respond to baby's needs immediately. Later, when the baby grows into a child, this immediate response, when they need it, helps continue the attachment building. The response should be the same consistent, nurturing, caring manner, most of the time. This may include the middle of the night or at times that may seem inconvenient to the parent or caregiver, but children have no concept of adult time. It's critical for the mental and emotional health of the child to have their needs met in a timely manner. Of course, there are times that it’s impossible to respond to a crying baby, such as in the car, or perhaps when parents are at the end of their patience threshhold, and need a cool down period. Make a safe choice and put baby somewhere while you can get calm.

The key is to respond consistently, most of the time. Response builds attachment. Abandonment seldom leads a child to feel secure. The presence of the attachment person helps the baby feel secure and helps her grow to increasing independence. Studies show that responding within 90 seconds helps lesson babies crying overall in the first three months. Therefore, to pick up a baby whenever she is in distress, does not spoil a baby. On the contrary, it builds the parent-child attachment and is the cornerstone of a caring, trusting, mutually respectful relationship that will lead to baby becoming more confident, securely attached in her adult relationships, and more independent later in life.

As baby grows into a toddler, she will oscillate between attachment and independence behaviours. If she is securely attached to a special person, she will be freer to explore her environment, knowing that she is safe and has a security person nearby to occasionally touch base with when she is feeling vulnerable. This allows her to grow. Since the 1950 Bowby’s studies (and studies by Mary Ainsworth), research has continually, consistently, proven the validity of attachment necessary in the relationship.

In the 1980’s, a U.S. Physician named William Sears coined a term called “Attachment Parenting” that refers to a specific set of behaviours that most people associate with “attachment”. These behaviours may or may not include child led weaning from breastfeeding, co-sleeping, carrying baby most of the time, etc. However, it’s important to remember that forming an attachment with baby is not necessarily associated with any one behaviour, but rather an underlying philosophy, commitment, belief , and value that the parent will meet the baby’s needs for nurturing and love on the baby’s schedule, not according to whatever anyone else decrees. Baby is the expert of what he needs.

Although some parents use specific “attachment parenting” behaviours to attach to their baby, mostly all parents can develop a nurturing response that is forming attachment bonds to their baby regardless of the behaviours they or baby chooses. The core philosophy of attachment parenting is recognizing and providing what the baby needs, when they need it. With a little creative problem solving, it's also possible to meet the parents needs at the same time.

Therefore, attachment parenting doesn’t end when the child stops breastfeeding, co-sleeping, and being carried. All through a child’s school and teen years, attachment parenting beliefs and philosophies help build the important parent-child connection though empathic listening, support, mutually set rules, loving discipline, child-led independence, quantity of focussed and unfocussed time together, and most of all, mutual respect.