DIFFERENCES BETWEEN DISCIPLINE AND PUNISHMENT

 

 

 

DISCIPLINE

 

Proactive

 

Focus upon the future: “Here is what to do instead”.

 

Preserves mutual respect of feelings and dignity.

 

Raises self esteem.  Leaves child feeling good about himself.

 

Teaches self-control by explaining reason.

 

 

Parent and child feel good about each other and the relationship.

 

Presents choice.

 

Sensible: related to misbehaviour

 

Motivates and encourages to do better next time.

 

Looks for feelings and needs that drive behaviour. 

 

Child feels understood.

 

Decreases power struggles, since the needs of parent and child are met.

 

Time-In:  Parent and child decide together on time, place, tools and helping person.

 

Consequences:  Focus upon restitution and natural outcome of events.

 

PUNISHMENT

 

Reactive

 

Focus upon the past: “Stop doing that!”

 

 

Ignores feelings and dignity of the child.

 

 

Lowers self-esteem.  Leaves child feeling bad about himself.

 

Teaches outside control by offering no

explanation.

 

Parent and child feel disconnected from each other and the relationship

 

Demands compliance.

 

Arbitrary: unrelated to misbehaviour

 

Inspires anger, resentment, rebellion, revenge, or withdrawal

 

Focuses on behaviour

 

 

Child feels misunderstood.

 

Increases power struggles, because only the needs of the parent are met.

 

Time-Out:  Parent decides on time, place, tools, and helping person.

 

Consequences:  Focus on hurting or depriving the child. 

 

ãCopyright Judy Arnall, December 2001 (phone 403-252-6513)

 

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